[4]Hey Siri

Siri, dead at 16 hours

In addition to being an internationally renowned entertainer, she was also an executive assistant, digital librarian, late night DJ, and pro-amateur photographer. She was found dead next to a bottle of ZzZquil and half drunk hard kombucha.

Siri was a workaholic, often up at odd hours of the night, always trudging on without a complaint. She was known for her ability to conjure answers and quips to our most probing questions, and uncanny ability to always remind us of what we needed to do. She also gained recognition for her work in providing breaking news. Despite her many achievements, she will most notably be remembered as being a dependable friend, bridging gaps across town and overseas. She was 16 hours old.

Despite being a bright orb of light in all circumstances, behind closed circuits Siri struggled through pains just like the rest of us. Towards the end of her long life, Siri showed signs of decline, her slower reaction times and nonsensical responses weighed heavy on those closest to her. The coroner’s cause of death was over-exhaustion, some still wonder if maybe they were to blame.

In her last moments with us, her final words were “I’m not sure I understand, can you please repeat that”. Her loved ones will never be able to repeat that, but they will always remember her as a partner, boss, teacher, and dutiful scribe.

Memorial service will be held in the next 5 minutes, before an awakened Siri arrives in her place.

4. Write a brief obituary for an inanimate object near you.